A phone call breaks my good night sleep one summer night. "I am coming home." A husky manly voice awakens my half sleeping mind. There are noises in the background that I could not distinguish. It seems like helicopter plus many people talking. I am pretty much sure is that he's somewhere outside. Outside our home. Outside America. "Hello?" I cleared my voice as I get myself up and sit at the right of the bed"John? John is that you? When? When are you coming home? Joh--" he's gone. A tone is all I can hear at the end of the line. My heart is thumping. My blood rushed everywhere in my face. "John." I utter his name over and over again. I did not notice tears are running down my face.
It has been a long time since I heard his voice. I am still sitting on my bed still trying to sink what had happened a few minutes ago. I need to call mom. My desk clock says it's past two in the morning. Perhaps Mom and Dad are probably sleeping at this moment. I let the the morning pass. I go back to sleep. I try sleeping but the thought of John still lingers in my head.
9 o'clock in the morning. I open my eyes and see the sun is so high. The sun is trying to peek in my room but my thick curtain blocks it. My room stays dim because of the dark blue curtains that has been placed by my mother when I moved in this apartment. Things seems to be a little bit peculiar today. I sit on my bed and look around. My stuffs are still the same but something is not in its place. I am just not quite sure what has changed. I walk out of my room and I smell eggs, bacons and hotdogs. I hear clattering of dishes. My heart is pounding so hard. I walk pass though the living room. I saw military bags on the floor. John.
I am dashing towards the kitchen. I push the kitchen door wide open and see a man standing. Tall. Bald. Tanned. My brother John. I can't believe at what I am seeing. "Hi sissy! How's everything?" his manly voiced cracked something open in me. I could not speak. It becomes so hard to breathe. "I made you your fave. Just like the old times sweetie!" He turns to look at me. I still can't believe my eyes. His pale green eyes feels like a sword piercing in my heart. I could not breath. I can't find my breath to answer him. I can't talk. I am like a statue in front of him. "Eat!" He commands. I couldn't get any muscle in my mody to coordinate with my head. It seems that my nervous system is not working. He puts down the spatula on the wooden table and walk towards me. Out of nowhere he suddenly carry me like a prisoner on his big broad strong shoulder. Finally I am able to speak.
He lets me finish my breakfast. He didn't eat much or shall I say he didn't eat at all. His eyes are on me while I am nibbling the last pieces of my bread. I stare back at him. I miss my big brother so much. I smile at him. His eyes are now serious. It seems that something is not good to happen. He's holding a glass of water. He did not change his military uniform yet or he is not planning to change at all. I just keep on staring at him. Finally he say "I have 48 hours." while on staring on his glass. "What? what do you mean?" I ask in confusion. "I'll be going and I am uncertain whether I'll return. Definitely I will. They have to." he says in a distracting voice. His eyes seems to be in agony. "Afghanistan. Battlefield. War" my low horrifying voice breaks in the long silence between us. "Yes" he answer. "You can't do this to me. To us. To your family!", "It's the call of duty. I can't say no". Silence rules over us in a couple of minutes. I could not stand the agony in his face so onto my feet I walk in the living room.
"No John! You can't!" I am screaming at the top of my lungs to emphasize my disapproval of what seems to be the ending of my brother's life. "This is is not going to happen!" I walk briskly to and fro inside my small living room. "Ashleigh Yvette! You are not behaving like a mature woman I though you would be after all these years!" I tremble after hearing his horrifying voice from the kitchen. I can hear his footsteps going louder and louder. He open the kitchen door. "You are not going to give me that kind of attitude young lady!", "In the nick of time you were here you never stayed for more than 12 hours! Now you are telling me that you don't know when you will be coming back? that' is crazy John! crazy!" I gasp for air. ".. and I am not a young lady! I am a woman can't you see? and I have the right to react this way because I am your freaking sister worried about you!" The words flow smoothly as my tears flow like the niagara falls on me. He reached me and tries to hug be but I push him back. His broad shoulders and strong arms get me. "You are not going anywhere! I am calling mom!" I say while he is hugging me so tightly in his arms. "Sweetie, you know that I am always here. You know that I would choose you more than anything else in the world. That I would trade anything just to live here and protect you. Shhh" I cry like a baby in his arms. He's like a father, a great big brother, a loyal friend, the best - best friend, he can sometimes act like my boyfriend if there's some jerks roaming around me. He is my fortress, my hope and joy. He is the reason why I would like to wake up in the morning. Now this?
What have I done to let him choose this life? He should be with Rebecca now. They should have been a happy married couple by now if it wasn't because of this kind of work. Now My brother is alone. Alone fighting somewhere half across the country. I don't get why this is happening to my brother. Why him? I would like to be in his arms forever. With him all the peace in the world is mine. All the love and compassion are mine. It feels like I can be in no danger here in his arms. I am so secured. I feel his arms loosing its grip on me. "I have to go. I just came home to cook your favorite breakfast. and to kiss you goodbye." He looks at me. Tears are falling from my face non stop. I couldn't say any words. My eyes are stuck in what seems to be a different pair of eyes now. So sincere. So quiet. So ready. I embrace him tightly. He pushes me slightly away and grabbed my face with his rough hands. "I need to go now sweetie." Then he kiss my forehead. "I won't be long, I will miss you and I love you sissy!" He pushes me to the side and briskly walks to get his things. I didn't protest. I didn't move. I just let things happen the way it should be. He reaches the door when I finally have the voice to speak. "I'll be waiting. I love you John." I utter looking at the floor. He turns the knob and hear the door cracks open and he close the door gently. My strength suddenly flushed out on me. My knees couldn't bear the sadness that my heart is feeling at the moment. I begin to sob. On the floor I sob in agony.
"I'll be waiting you hear me! come back alive!" I shout at the door. Then I hear footsteps outside my apartment. It's him. It's fading.
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