There are two worlds that we are living in. If you are a christian then, this is very true to you but if you're not, maybe you won't really understand what I would like to say.
Christianity's beliefs and faith are vague from world's view. I am one happy person who loves talking. That's a fact! I love sharing those things that had happen to me to all of my friends. If you can put into words, I am as easy as ABC. I am a very oblivious person. My life is an open book to everyone. I used to be sheepish when my non-christian friends are shocked knowing that I don't have any little experience on the life that they're living.
It's stressful for me to hear that. Very painful that I compare myself to them and my spirit is disturbed knowing this. They thought that I have a very boring life and that I don't have a life itself. I contemplated on those thoughts and point of views and it's really hard to get my thoughts straight when it comes to life outside Christianity.
I may have not understood many things outside of my faith or never will I understand it at all. The disturbing part about it is that I am pushing myself to live a life like them. Live a life that is carefree and throw away what I've believed all my life.
My theory for myself is coming brighter now. That my beliefs are strong, they are solid strong! My God is a living God and everything about me comes with a purpose. What makes my spirit disturbed is myself. I am weak. Weak enough that I have been deceived, worn out and super tired of the things that are happening in my life now.
This is the most honest blog that I have ever done/wrote. Just like what I've said, I am an open book. But I put my trust to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, that He will push me, carry me and help me with all these things that I made myself.
Tell you, He won't be happy if I am thinking this about myself and I am very sorry for believing lies and for putting my self-confidence in Jesus down.
Please keep on praying for me.
God bless!
